My life, right now


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Hi folks!

It’s been a while, so I thought it would be time to update my blog.🙂
A lot has happened since my last update: good things and bad things. I don’t want to bore you with all the details, so here is a list of what happened in the past months.
(If that’s still too much to read for you, scroll down to the bottom for a summary)😉

As for my bodily changes: I gained some weight (about 10 pounds), and my body looks more feminine now. Boobs still growing.🙂

And emotionally… it’s going up and down. I can be very happy at times, and at times all I can do is cry all day.

Last month I finished my Real Life Phase (a period of 12 months in which you start taking hormones and you have to live full time as a woman). That means that I’m on the waiting list for the operation right now! Yay! The waiting list is about a year, but in a couple of weeks I get my first appointment with the surgeon for a sort of intake.

I fell in love with a girl.
In another blog I mentioned that my preference regarding men or women might change due to the use of the hormones. I can tell you now: it hasn’t changed! She has made (and still is making) me feel so alive and happy… Only problem: it’s not mutual. She wants to be just friends, and in the past couple of months I’ve been trying to get over her. Which is very, very hard, especially with the hormones, and considering that we see each other a lot.
(In addition this, I officially came out to my family as a lesbian.🙂 )

I got a new hobby: partying! Before I started hormones, I was pretty boring. Didn’t go out much, and if I did, I would mostly just stand in the corner, sip my drink, hate all the people around me, and go home at 1 am. Now, however, I love to dance and meet new people, and it happens quite often that I’m in bed by 6 am…

(Considering the things I mentioned above, you could say that I’m back in puberty. I also got 2 piercings in my ears (for those interested: a scaffold a.k.a. industrial, and a tragus). And I think these won’t be the last. My mom isn’t too happy with that :p )

As I said, I like meeting new & interesting people, and that’s what I’ve been doing. I met a lot of new people, some of whom I consider to be good friends now.

Last August, I did a fantastic road trip! On my own, in my little Ford Ka, 2200 miles through England and Wales. I climbed mountains, went down into caves, saw waterfalls, cliffs and beaches. I visited cathedrals, abbeys and ancient towns and cities. Slept in B&B’s, a hotel, a tent, and with friends. Went to a folk festival and the 2012 Olympic Games. And I met some really nice people and made wonderful new friends.

I lost my job. Due to cutbacks, I was one of the people in my company who got fired. I’ll be out of work in 2 weeks, and I have no idea what I want to do next… So that kinda sucks…

I am planning to move back to Maastricht. I lived there for 6 years, until 2010. I then moved out, because of my work. I thought the new town would be ok, and in the beginning it was. But now, almost 3 years later, I hate living here. I don’t like the people, I have no friends here, and I miss Maastricht and my friends there. I try to go there as often as possible, but finding a place to live there would be fantastic. So I am currently looking for a nice apartment in Maastricht, so that I don’t have to travel there 2 or 3 times a week.

In conclusion:
Hormones are going great: body is changing and emotions are raging.🙂
Counting down to surgery!
Love life: sucks.
I love to go out & party with my friends.
I have to find a new job.
I hate the place where I live right now, so I want to move asap.

So I guess you can say my life is pretty hectic at the moment…🙂

Transgenderwet artikel 28


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Beste mensen,

Staatssecretaris Teeven heeft een paar maanden geleden toegezegd dat hij het voorstel tot wijziging van artikel 28 van het wetboek nog voor de zomer zou indienen bij de Tweede Kamer.
Nu, drie dagen voordat het zomerreces begint, is dit nog steeds niet gebeurd. Zie ook dit artikel van Transgender Netwerk Nederland (TNN).

Ik, en velen met mij, zijn hier zeer ontevreden over. De kans dat de nieuwe wet op 1 januari 2013 ingaat, is nu wel erg klein.

Daarom heb ik via deze link vandaag een brief gestuurd aan de staatssecretaris, om hem te verzoeken dit voorstel uiterlijk vrijdag a.s. in te dienen bij de Tweede Kamer.

Ik roep iedereen die zich een beetje begaan voelt met deze zaak op, om ook een brief te sturen, zodat onze stem gehoord wordt. Weet je niet wat je moet schrijven? Hieronder staat mijn brief, voel je vrij om deze te kopiëren.

Beste heer Teeven,
Op 3 maart jl. heeft u in een gesprek met COC Nederland aangegeven dat u het voorstel tot wetswijziging van artikel 28 (verplichte sterilisatie transgenders) nog voor het zomerreces in zou dienen bij de Tweede Kamer. Met het zomerreces voor de deur is dit tot op heden nog niet gebeurd.
Er zijn heel veel mensen in Nederland die hun hoop hebben gevestigd op een spoedige wijziging van artikel 28, om zo hun levensomstandigheden te verbeteren. Ik ben daar één van.
Ik wil u erop wijzen dat de huidige Nederlandse wetgeving op dit gebied strijdig is met de Jogjakarta-beginselen, die Nederland zegt te ondersteunen.
Deze beginselen stellen dat het een schending van de mensenrechten is, wanneer een wet mensen verplicht zich te laten steriliseren om zo een draaglijk leven te kunnen leiden. Deze sterilisatie-eis dient dus zo snel mogelijk geschrapt te worden, en u bent de persoon die heeft toegezegd deze mensenrechtenschending in Nederland te stoppen. Ik wijs u daarom op uw verantwoordelijkheid, en vraag u dit wetsvoorstel deze week in te dienen, en daarmee duizenden Nederlanders een aangenamere toekomst te verzekeren.
Ik hoop op een antwoord en vooral op spoedige actie, nog voor het zomerreces!
Met vriendelijke groet,
Kim Kersten


For my English readers who don’t understand shit about all of the above🙂 : this is about a Dutch State Secretary who promised to pass a bill on transgender rights before summer. But with summer reces being only 3 days away, that still hasn’t happened. So I urge my Dutch readers to send him an email.

What would you do?


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One of the local pubs here has a pub quiz every Wednesday night, and I regularly join in with some friends. Just like last Wednesday. The pub is on a little square, and there’s a bike stall a couple of meters off. When I came near the bike stall, I saw a group of about 12 young men of North African descent, hanging around by the entrance of the square, being loud. I didn’t like the sight of it, and after parking my bike, I decided to take a small detour, just to avoid walking past them and being an easy target.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I’m definitely not saying that all North African people are close-minded troublemakers. Most of these people are really decent and nice, youths included. It’s just that they don’t have a good reputation here in The Netherlands.
Ugh, I hate this “us and them” talk… we’re all people. I’m in favour of a colourful and multicultural society, and way too many times people of foreign descent are blamed for problems caused by white politicians.

So as I said, I took a small detour. While I was walking, I thought about what I just did, and I started doubting whether it had been the right thing to do. I know I should never put myself at unnecessary risks, and I should always think about my own safety. But reflecting on the situation, there are two reasons why I hate myself for not just walking past them.

Firstly, I don’t know these guys, so it was me who was biased. I was the one who made assumptions about them, without knowing them. And I don’t want to be a person who does that. For all I know, they could be very open minded and cool about the whole LGBT thing. Maybe their folks came here because of the open mindedness in this country, and raised their children to be accepting and tolerant. Apart from their reputation, which is mostly based on false pretenses, there’s no reason to believe they would do me any harm. Sure, they were being loud, but so am I sometimes.🙂
Moreover, in my transition I have met with very little resistance. Not only have my family, my friends and my colleagues fully accepted me, but also in public I have never really encountered “trouble” of any kind. Save for the odd odd look once in a while, but that doesn’t count. So based on no experience whatsoever, I chicken out at the sight of some young people I don´t know. And that to me seems like a strange thing to do.

Secondly, it is wrong that I try to hide who I am by walking away. I have spent most of my life hiding and denying the true me, but now that I know what it is to be myself, I don’t want to hide anymore. I’m proud of who I am now, and taking detours to hide that should not be a part of my life anymore.

In a similar situation next time, I will walk past them with my head held high, and maybe even flash them a smile.🙂

I do realize that my own safety comes first, and I certainly won’t go looking for trouble. But in this situation (it was still light out and there were plenty of other people around), there was really no reason to believe they were gonna do something. But indeed, better safe than sorry. I always keep an eye out for threatening situations, and I don’t really know what I would do next time. I guess that depends on a lot of factors, including the time, place and how I’m feeling that day.

Off road, and back on track


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Last thursday I had my first check-up with my psychologist and endocrinologist since I started my HRT in January. Back then, they gave me pills for three months, and they told me that I could give them a ring if I’d run out before my next check up, and they would send me a prescription for some new ones.

It turned out that my appointment was more than three months after my start on January 26. When I found out that I wouldn’t make it, I called them up. That was about a week before I actually ran out of pills. Turned out, it would take a week and a half before I could pick up the new pills at my chemists’. I never expected it to take that long; otherwise I would’ve called earlier. So the last couple of days I put myself on a ration of only one each a day, instead of two each, and in the end I was completely out, so for three days I couldn’t take any.

The results of me going cool turkey were disturbing. Activity downstairs increased almost immediately, which I found really upsetting. I started getting menopause sympyoms, like hot flashes and disturbances in my sleep: I started waking up in the middle of the night, sweating like mad. And I also felt that I was falling back into old habits again: not cleaning up, less working out, and staying up late. Not fun.

Eventually, my prescription arrived on Wednesday, so I picked up the pills in the picture on Thursday morning. That was the same day I had my appointment in the hospital, so in the end I just could’ve picked them up there…

The check-up itself went pretty well and they took seven vials of blood again. The psychologist was pleased that things went well, and the endocrinologist took some notes on the “hormone intermission”. She didn’t think it would be a huge problem, but it could change the results of the blood test a bit.

It feels really good to be taking the hormones again. It’s like picking up your trusted life again, or continuing on this great journey you’re on, after being delayed.
Concerning my breasts: when I was off the hormones, it didn’t really feel like my breasts stopped growing, but now that I’m taking the Progynova again, it feels like they got some kind of a jump start or something. That they had a boost to make up for lost time…🙂 Not that the difference is visible to anyone but me, but still! Somewhere in the next few weeks, I’m going shopping for a nice bikini!

People also tell me my facial features are getting softer, and I notice my hair is getting less greasy and a bit softer.
Furthermore, the frequency and intensity of the crying fits keeps increasing. Not that it happens every day now, but I need less incentive to cry. I feel really bad when I have one, but I’m glad it happens. It means the hormones are doing their job. And I feel relieved afterwards.🙂

Also last week, I finally started my speech therapy. But that’s a different story altogether, and I will write about that shortly.

Well, it’s exactly midnight right now, so I’m off to bed, maybe read a bit, and then get a good night’s sleep, without waking up all sweaty at some ungodly hour!

A Day In The Life – Of me


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This blog entry is not about the Beatles song (as the title may suggest), but a short account of my day. And what a strange day it was: with ups, downs, and in the end some good music after all.🙂

This morning I got up early to go for a run, and it was lovely. The sun was coming up, birds were whistling, and the ducks along the stream started waking up. The jog went well, and when I got home I felt revived. A good start of the day!

After breakfast I went to work, and around 11 o’clock I fell into a dip. I just couldn’t concentrate anymore, and I thought of taking the afternoon off. But I sat through it, and I managed to stretch it to 4 o’clock.
Instead of going straight home, I suddenly felt like shopping, so I went into town. Since I felt I had something to celebrate (yesterday was the 3 month mark of my hormone replacement therapy, and next monday is Dutch Queen’s Day, a national holiday here in The Netherlands), I bought 3 new dresses.🙂

I was really happy, but also very tired. So when I got home I ate some leftovers and got comfy in my windowsill, reading a book (The Hobbit that is, for anyone who’s interested…). At one point I started to feel gloomy and melancholy as I thought of my youth, and all the things I missed because I grew up as a boy instead of a girl. The oestrogen in my body took over, I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I had a good & long cry. The kind were you feel happy and relieved after it is over. I’ve had a couple of those now in the past few weeks, and it’s good to feel that the hormones start having their psychological effect too.

Now I’m in my bed, typing my blog on my phone and listening to Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, still one of my all time favorites in Classical music.

That was a short summary of my day, and though it had its ups and downs, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
Good night!🙂

Boobalicious :-)


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Today is another one for the books (my blog that is). Maybe it’s not that big a milestone to others, it feels kinda special to me.

Ever since I started dressing up as a woman, I’ve worn fake boobs. Whether they were just socks, prosthetics, or a couple of padded bras on top of each other, I’ve never left the house without filling up my bra one way the another.

Today, 81 days after starting my HRT, is the first day I didn’t wear fake boobs to work. Just one little bra (though padded), with nothing in it but my own flesh. I went back one full cup in size, but let me tell you: it felt good!🙂

So, from now on: no more fillings, stuffing up, or other kinds of enhancements, just 100 percent me!

One year tranniversary

Today it’s exactly one year since I went full-time. And by that I mean that I started dressing, behaving and living as the real me, 24/7. A year in which a lot has happened:

– As mentioned before: I went full-time
– Started my psychology sessions at the hospital in Amsterdam
– Bought my very first Barbie doll (purerly symbolic!)🙂
– I turned thirty (you wouldn’t say, right!)
– Finished my psychology sessions
– Started my hormone replacement therapy (HRT)
– I got fully accepted by the people around me

It goes without saying that I’ll be celebrating my tranniversary in the pub tonight!🙂